Day 89.

She wasn't going to let him walk out of her life this time. She was unable to speak or move 10 years ago. She wouldn't let that happen again. It took every ounce of her soul to break out of her shock. She had hoped for so many years for this exact moment. Those hopes were always empty and she was always disappointed. Now, with him sitting across from her, speaking to her, reaching out to her, she found she was right back to being her scared little girl self, completely numb, dumbstruck. But she'd lived so much life, experienced so much since that awful day, surely she could manage to overcome this fear.

As his words transformed from pure mumble and white noise into actual sound that she could recognize, she realized that this long awaited moment would slip by if she succumbed to her childish instincts. She heard "I love you." She heard "Goodbye." She still couldn't move. Something deep inside her, some subconscious strength lifted her hand and grabbed his arm. The words came out before she had a chance to form them. "Don't go." 

He stopped in his tracks, and she could feel him look down to her hand. She kept looking forward, still not quite in her body. As he came back and sat at the table, she was finally able to focus her eyes on him. She realized he was the man that had been sitting at the bar. She thought she had felt him watching her. Now it made sense. 

She looked him in the eyes. She lost her breath. She felt the tears building up in her eyes. He had gotten so much older. His face was covered in wrinkles. His hair almost completely grey. He'd put on some weight. There was no life in his eyes. She still saw the kindness and love in them that she felt as a little girl. But how could that be when he clearly hadn't loved her? How could he have left her if he did? She had always imagined that he had another family that he loved more. He had children, maybe even a daughter her age that he took care of; that he took to some other restaurant on some other day; that he loved with all his heart, so there wasn't any room for her. 

So, what was this love and kindness she saw? Maybe that's why he was here. He felt sorry for her. Well, she didn't need his pity. But, what did she need from him? All these years of hoping for this moment, she never once asked herself that question. Here he was, right before her, and she had no goddam idea.